Monday, August 1, 2011

I Don't Wanna Write You a Love Song

It's the strangest thing. Lately I'm filled such profound love for others that I start tearing up when I think about them. Sometimes it's people I talk to just a couple of times of months.  Seriously, I spent 30 minutes today writing in my journal about all the people I love. How sappy is that?!?! Perhaps its just hormones making me slightly crazy. Regardless, I can't stop feeling this way which can be a not-so-desirable trait to have when your engaged. I can't give other people the time and personal attention they deserve and so they pull away from me. And I completely understand that. Staying friends with an engaged girl is hard stuff. And I try. Truly I do, more then most engaged couples at BYU I would like to think. However, my pitiful efforts are not enough. Losing friends and being viewed at a distance sucks. I would like to not care but...........I feel such love for the people around me I can't help myself. It's a viscous, viscous cycle. I want them to love me because I love them but they can't because I don't give them anything to love. Does that make sense? Ughs all around. The only thing I can think of is to show my love as much as possible in as many simple ways as I can. I don't know if it will get the message across but at least I know I'm giving things my best shot. You know, if we were all just married, this wouldn't be a problem. Wouldn't that be nice?